Mailbag #2: BFFs & stranded in the wild

Welcome back to Blueprint’s mailbag. We got great questions this week, and knowing that Santa is watching, we are going to do our best to answer them. Without further ado...

 

Q: Two of my friends are best friends with each another, and they’re both 3s. Is it common for a person to get along best with their own type?

— Melanie, London, UK

A: The answer seems to be: sometimes.

People who are your same type often trigger polarized reactions: you either like them because they’re familiar and “logical” to you, or you find them a pain because they possess many of the same negative or challenging characteristics as you.

When I was in graduate school, I had a high percentage of 3s as classmates. I noticed a funny thing. Some of them really liked one another, and some of them found each other intolerable. 

When I dug into why they liked so-and-so, it was often because they just enjoyed their personality, and they had similar goals in life and values. When I asked why they found so-and-so irritating, they very often mentioned the “annoying” traits of 3s when they’re in low health (showy, unemotional, etc.).

Our theory all comes back to the familiar and the shadow. Research shows we like people who are more similar to us… but we also dislike people who possess our “negative” traits because it reminds us of the things we don’t love about ourselves.

Among our four cofounders, we agree that we tend to enjoy our type, on average, no more or less than other types.

Q: Which Enneagram types are the funniest? I have a bet with my friend and feel like you guys may have some answers.

— Kaele, Jacksonville, FL

A: Kaele, thank you for the extremely scientific question. While there is literally no data behind this, our One editor is happy to assert some strong opinions here.

We believe any Enneagram type can be the funniest person in the room or the most unfunny person you’ve ever met. 

For example, we know some 9s who literally prefer not to talk words or make risky comments, and other 9s who say subtly hilarious things with perfect timing. We know some 8s who *think* they’re funny because they make unhinged jokes…and some 8s who leave people cracking up because they read the room and say the thing that no one else will say. Really and truly: any type can be funny or lame. 

In general, we’ve noticed the styles tend to align like this:

1s, 5s, 9s: dry wit

2s, 3s, 7s: playful

4s, 6s, 8s: provocative

The Humor Triad. Maybe we’ll write a book about it soon.

Q: What’s your favorite thing about 6s? I feel like social media just makes us seem anxious and conniving and it’s pretty frustrating.

— Harper, Toledo, OH

A: When we were reading dozens of Enneagram books to write content for our app, we thought there were huge misunderstandings about two types in particular: 2s and 6s. Most books simplified them into caricatures of what we felt, from experience, were much deeper personality types.

Twos are often depicted as overgiving lovers looking to latch onto appreciation and relationships. What’s downplayed is how damn capable 2s are—taking action, acting as social and information hubs, giving wise advice, and acting decisively to protect their people. As much as a "helper,” they are socially keen movers and shakers.

Sixes are often depicted as “the everyman,” seemingly a somewhat average accumulation of human personality traits. What’s downplayed is how socially and analytically savvy 6s are. They are often exceptionally intellectual, courageous in times of crises, and the glue that both holds groups together and detects potential threats.

You do, in fact, want one (or many) healthy 6s in your life.

Q: Do you ever mistype someone for YEARS? I thought my lovely grandmother was a 1 but I recently found out she’s a 6!

— Pat, Bedford, MA

A: This is so much more common than we think!

Even when we think we’ve gotten good at “typing” people, we really don’t know until the person types themselves; after all, their Enneagram type derives from their internal landscape, not their external behaviors.

In the case of 1s and 6s, it’s a relatively common mistyping. In your case, 6s who have a strong moral or religious orientation can look especially “One-ish.” They’re social and respectful, while holding strong beliefs about the way things should be.

But knowing she’s a 6 instead of a 1 means you can potentially connect better with her by alleviating uncertainties, checking in on her more frequently, and being unafraid to be playful.

We hope your grandmother enjoys the Enneagram!!

Q: We were on a family hike, and my 7-year-old son asked me in extremely convoluted English which “people type” I’d want to be stranded in the wilderness with. Who you got?

— Niel, Northern California

A: We’d be lying if we said we haven’t thought about this question before.

So much depends on wilderness survival skills, and whether somebody already has them. Give us the person with knowledge and experience every time, no matter their type.

If we’re starting from scratch, we’re taking either a 5, 7, or 8. The 5 is guaranteed to know some niche sh*t they read in a survival blog, and will impress you with their ability to build a bunker and follow animal tracks.

The 7 is going to run animal trapping / help-signaling experiments all day, and while most of them will be ridiculous, some will eventually work.

The 8 will keep things calm and start taking action to build shelter, find food, and search for civilization.

We are now expecting our first hate mail from people who are going to insist our choices are egregious. Thanks, Niel!

 

Have a “people” question you’d like answered? Send a note to hello@blueprintapp.co with your name and where you're writing from, and we'll pick some of our favorites for the next batch.