The Personalities of The Odyssey

A new summer box office epic? By Christopher Nolan, you say? Don’t mind if we do!

Great quote we heard this week: “My favorite genre of movie is Matt Damon trying to get home” (see: The Martian, Interstellar, The Odyssey). Now let’s nerd out typing the characters in a modern adaptation of one of the greatest stories ever told.

 

Calypso: Type 2 or 9

The sea nymph rescues the shipwrecked Odysseus, nurses him back to health, and becomes his sole source of comfort (through both dynamite lovemaking and more heavy-handed lotus flowers). She’s so pleasant, seductive, and satisfying that he stays on her island for seven years. Seven f*cking years!!! She eventually allows her genuine care for Odysseus to win out and releases him on his journey home. Calypso is a Relational 2. No question. Unless she's a 9?? Crap, this is going to be complicated.

Athena: Type 1

She shows up as Odysseus’s conscience in human form and reminds him that his brilliant victory at Troy also destroyed innocent people and a sacred code. He feels a pang of truthy guilt whenever she shows up by his side. One time when I was four, I stole some cool-looking metal objects from my dad’s office, and he (1w2) sat next to me like Athena. I guess you could say that was my Troy, and his sensitive guidance ended my klepto ways.

 

Agamemnon: Type 8

“He will not relent” – Odysseus describing Agamemnon, who is depicted as pure, raw power. He sacrifices his own daughter for victory in the war, then leads the brutal conquest of Troy while everyone around him nearly pisses themselves in his presence. As a zombie-dude, his big lesson for Odysseus is: trust no one, vulnerability gets you murdered. Could be a 3, but there’s very little image-management or glory-seeking. I was happy to be on his good side safely from my seat.

Polyphemus (Cyclops): Type 8 or 5

An argument could probably be made for 8 or 5 here. Polyphemus has a cave. He’s quite upset when people intrude on his cave. So upset, in fact, that he bites the heads off of his intruders. Somehow he’s also redeeming by being kind and gentle with his flock of sheep. We lean 8 because a 5 might just withdraw, barricade their cave, or make you go away. Polyphemus chooses to chomp on humans as a snack. 

 

Antinous: (Unhealthy) Type 6

He avoids the Trojan War by sending Sinon in his place, grows bolder with the other suitors behind him, and embraces some good ol’ fashioned scheming to kill Telemachus rather than confronting him directly. Seems like an unhealthy 6 strategy pushed to the extreme. There’s a Type 3 case because he wants the throne, but how he goes after it feels much more 6. Would probably be a f*cking rock star if he used his powers for good.

Telemachus: Maybe Type 6?

It’s hard to separate his personality from being young and in an objectively shit-tacular situation. He alternates between courage and uncertainty, looks to trusted figures for answers, and idealizes his father as the person who will finally restore stability to Ithaca. Could be Type 6. Could also just be a young guy reacting pretty reasonably to dozens of hostile older men trying to sleep with his mom and kick him to the curb.

 

Penelope: Type 6? 4? 1?

There’s a decent case for all three. She’s fiercely loyal, constantly tracking threats and alliances, and careful about who she trusts—very 6. She also spends 20 years saying, “No, I don’t want a husband, I want my husband,” which feels pretty 4. And she has a 1-ish seriousness about duty, order, and what Ithaca is supposed to be. But again, all of this just seems pretty rationally human given what the hell is happening in her household. Call me a quitter, but I legitimately don’t know. What do you think?

 

Odysseus: Type 1 or 8

Odysseus looks so much like an 8 that typing him as a 1 feels almost intentionally annoying. But hear us out. Eights seek independence and power. Odysseus actually seems more motivated by moral code and the desire to do the right thing, which is archetypal 1 wiring. He:

• Embarks on the Trojan War reluctantly, seemingly as an obligation he can’t escape
  
• Feels horrible for setting the Trojan Horse trap, which erodes his honor and the future precedent of honor
  
• Avoids returning home for shame of what he’s done
  
• Seeks vengeance on all the suitors for desecrating moral codes
  
• Willingly relinquishes his power to his son and sails off into the sunset

Sounds to us like a war-time 1, but it is possible he’s an 8 with a strong moral code.

Okay, now let us have it. Who did we get wrong? And somebody please explain Penelope…